My Secret Till The Death
by Moonchick123
Summary: Ashley is in love with Spencer but can't tell her till it's to late.
1. Prologue

_Spencer_

_I don't know how to start this letter, and what I have to say is not going to be easy for me. But if I don't tell you now then I can't leave this earth at peace without you not knowing how I feel about you, and you have the right to know. For the past five years I have been in love with you. I was afraid to tell you because i didn't know how you would react and I didn't want our friendship to die because what we had as friends was really great and I didn't want to ruin it. But there were so many times when i wanted to tell you but couldn't because I was afraid and I didn't want to get hurt. I know this all sounds cliche but it's not. I first felt this way before you and Aiden ever started dating and when you guys did, it hurt like hell to see you with someone that didn't treat you right. But as a good friend I had to except that fact that you were with someone else and help you in anyway possible. That also hurt in ways that I can't describe. But knowing that you also liked girls gave some kind of light. So when the day that you and Aiden broke up I thought I had finally had a chance to swoop in and be the hero. But knowing me I would of took advantage of your emotions like I always did with all the other girls back in the day. But I couldn't do it because it was wrong and I would of hurt you more, so I decided to let your heart heal until you were ready. But that was also another mistake on my part because I was to late, another person had swooped in before I could capture your heart. Her name was Carmen. So again I had to watch you be with someone that didn't treat you any better than the last person. There were times when I tried to stop and love you and move on but every time I looked in to those baby blues or saw that smile my heart would melt. Spencer you have no idea how much I love you. There was a moment in Breaking Dawn when Bella realized how much Edward really loved her, that it could kill a human because no human could have so much love for someone. That is how I feel. I feel that I can die because I am so in love with you that it can kill me. But death is not a joke in this situation. I was once was afraid to tell you how I feel about you but now I am not, now I am afraid of death it self. I would have taken death in any shape or form but all I want now is a little more time with you. Every time we were together I would cherish every second because I didn't want to miss anything with you or about you. But as these last ten days of my life go by I just want to know that you will be by my side till the day I take my last breath because the last thing I want to see when I leave this earth is your face. All I want is you, my angel._

_Ashley_

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_ The letter that you just read was written ten days before I left this earth. If you are wondering if Spencer had ever got to read this letter stop wondering because she did. My name is Ashley Davies and I died of leukemia at age twenty one. I may have not had a full life but my life ended when it just began. I was sixteen when I first met Spencer Carlin. It was my junior year of high school at King High. I was a proud wild gay teenager that needed a good wake up call. That call came when I fell in love with Spencer. But lets go back to the beginning where it all began. This is my story.

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**Hey guys I am taking a little break from my other story to work on this one I hope you guys like it. Please let me know what you think. I promise to update soon when I know where I want to go in my other story. **


	2. No on can change my mind

I was sixteen when I first saw Spencer Carlin enter my history class. She was new to King High, but I didn't give a damn who was new or not. Sure I thought she was cute in a safe way, but me I was a rock stars kid and I didn't like to be safe. I liked to live on the wild side, party and sleep with all the chicks that I wanted. So when the teacher introduced her to the class I gave her a once over and went back to my life. OK that's a lie she did give me some kind of interest so I checked her out. She was about my height but if I stood up I would be a inch taller than she was. She had long blond hair that laid over the top of her breast. When facing the class you could see she had ocean blue eyes and smile of an angel. To others she was just another addition to King High but there was something different about her that interested me, but I couldn't quit pin point what it was, so I ignored the feeling and went on doing what I did best. Ignoring life. But as weeks went on I would watch her from the corner of my eye trying to figure out what it was that brought my attention to her. From a far she looked like a genuine nice person. She always smiled and talked to those who came up to talk to her, and helped those who needed help. But I never saw her hanging out with any group. Seeing that always got me thinking why she never took to any of the other students in the school and on some occasions I wanted to go up and ask her why but that would mean I would have to talk to her and introduce myself and that takes to much energy. But then came the day after a long hard night where I cannot recall what I was doing, the teacher assigned us as partners on a history project.

From what I remember I was hung over because when the bell rang I gave a big giant moan that clearly interested the teacher.

"Good to see that your with us today Miss Davies, I hope you can stay conscious long enough to hear whats on the agenda today."

I knew at that point that everyone in class was staring at me because I could feel there eyes on me. So I thought of the best possible response that I could muster and lifted my self up off my desk to face the teacher.

"I'll try my best but I'm not making any promises."

I know lame but I was to tired to think of anything else. But I got a response out of the class because some of them laughed, including Spencer. All I got from the teacher was a look that she always gave me when I say stupid stuff like that in the class.

"All right class if I could have your attention for just a moment I can tell you what we are doing for the next few weeks. Here in my hand are list on the subjects that we went over within the last few months and some that we will be going over. What I want you guys to do is pick the subject that you want and read what you have to do. But first I am going to pare you guys up because there are not enough subjects. But for extra credit you can try and do the subjects that we haven't done yet. So when I call your names please grab a list and join your partner."

While she was talking I laid my head back down on the desk. I didn't care about the history project was about or who my partner may be, I even hoped that they weren't here today. I could hear her calling the names of the partners as I laid there. I was just about to go into dream world when I heard her list the next two partners.

"and Ashley Davies and Spencer Carlin. You know who your with now go and find them."

I couldn't believe it. I sat straight up and looked stared at my teacher to see if she really said what I think she just said. I was about to protest when I heard the sweetest voice ever.

"Your Ashley right?"

I looked up and I saw ocean blue eyes and a smile of an angel. I must of not responded because she asked me if I was ok. So in my response I came up with my lame excuse that was partly the truth.

"Oh yeah, I'm Ashley, sorry I just had long night so I'm a little tired."

"Oh ok, do you mind if I sit down?"

"ah no not at all, take a load off."

she smiled and took the seat that was at the desk in front of mine and spun it around so we were face to face. While she did this I stared at her and asked myself what is it about this girl that has my attention all the time so I surprised myself by starting up a conversation.

"Your Spencer right?"

"Yeah that's me." she said sitting down and giving me a warm smile

"and you just moved here to la la land."

she laughed a little at my comment "Yeah about a month now, my family and I moved here from Ohio."

That gave me little interest "Oh cool."

"Have you lived here all your life?" she asked me

"Uh yeah ever since I was born, it's not to exciting here."

"Oh I find it very exciting here, everyone is so nice."

I gave her are you kidding me look "Yeah."

She laughed "ok maybe there a little ruff around the edges but I am getting use to it."

"Is that why I haven't seen you with any particular group yet."

"that and the thought that some people don't want you in there group because your bi."she said with here head down

That really caught my attention because I raised my eyebrow.

"Yeah i know what you mean."

She looked up in surprise but didn't say anything so I thought I would entertain her some more.

"I'm gay." I giggled

"Really, now that makes sense?"

"Really?" I asked confused

"Yeah because people said to watch out for you so you wont be another notch on your head board but I didn't know what they meant by that."

"Oh they did." I said a little annoyed

"But talking to you now I can't think why they would be saying that about you."

Smiling "Oh I can think of a few reasons, but I guess we're in the same boat now."

"Yeah i guess so."

She said smiling and looking at me warmly. I smiled back and thought if she was available. This surprised me when I asked her that question because I really never cared if they had a girlfriend or not.

"So do you miss Ohio, I mean you probably left someone back there that you care about right?"

She laughed "Yeah a little but then I remind myself that it's warm here and cold over there. But no I didn't leave anyone special behind. How about you do you have someone here that you care about?"

That made me laugh. "Ha nope, relationships are to much of a hassle for me, I rather be free and do whatever I want than to be tied down.

"Well what if you met someone that could change your mind?"

Her comment caught me by surprise but I recovered quick.

"No one can change my mind."

She smiled "Well I would love to there when that moment happens."

I laughed "Yeah I bet you would."

As hungover as I was that day I would never forget meeting Spencer Carlin. From the moment that she talked to me I was hooked and I knew from that moment on that no girl could ever change my mind on how I felt, but for her. She made me fall in love with her that day but I didn't know it until much later. She was the one that changed my mind.

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Hey guys sorry that it took me so long to update but I had some stuff going on at home that I had to take care of. But I am back and I apolagize for the short chapter. I hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think.


	3. The Pain

So months went by and Spencer and I were combined by the hip. She became my new best friend and I loved it. But don't tell her that. Oh if your wondering how we did on our project, well we did awesome on it and we both got an "A." I know shocking right. It was my first A in that class. I remember telling Spencer that I had never gotten an A in that class, so we made a bet. If we did really good I would have to take her around LA and show her a good time, and if we did bad I get a free dinner. Well she won, like always. Gotta love that girl. But our fun days came to a stop the day she said she kinda liked Aiden and she was thinking of asking him out just as friends to get to know him, Yuk. I remember that day very well because that was the day I was going to share my feelings toward her.

It was a hot Saturday afternoon and I decided that Spencer and I needed to get out and get a tan, so we went to the beach.

"Come on Spencer, hurry up the sand is calling my name."

Spencer laughing "Ok, it's not like the beach is gonna stand up and walk away."

Spencer get's out of the car and joins Ashley on the path.

"You never know it could happen."

I jokingly said this while Spencer gave me one of her I think full of bull looks. I love that look on her. Always made me smile

So giggling at myself. "what I mean it, some mysterious creature could of did some weird hocus pocus on it and the beach could of came alive and walked away because I didn't get my tan on."

"Oh Ash, where do you come up with this stuff. Oh look, the beach is still here so as you can see nothing happened so there for you can get your tan on." She said this while poking my stomach. I had to cover my stomach with my hands so the butterflies that I already had wouldn't jump out from her touch. But I quickly recovered.

"Yeah because we got here just in time."

Spencer laughing "Whatever"

We walked along the beach till we came to our spot near the boardwalk and laid our towels down on the ground. I helped her put lotion on her tone back as she did me. It felt so good touching her. I wish I could touch her all the time but in order for me to that I would have to tell her my true feelings for her and that scared the shit out of me. But I had to say it. But the only problem with that is what if she rejected me and it hurt our friendship. I loved our friendship and what we had, but I had to try. But I wanted to get in a little sun in before I said anything. Oh hell I staled but after a hour I got the balls to finally spit it out.

"Spenc" "Ash" we said together

We laughed

"You first" she said to me looking at me kindly

I looked in to her blue eyes and thought of what I was going to say and I thought about her face and what it would look like after I shared my feelings to her.

"No, that's ok you go ahead, it's not that important"

"You sure" she said closing her eyes and facing the sun once again.

Rolling my eyes feeling like a slug "yeah go ahead."

"ok...what you think about Aiden Dennison?"

My eyes shot open from the words and a sharp pain in my chest shot through when I heard those words come out of her mouth. I knew right then she didn't have any feelings for me and I knew what she wanted to hear from me but I didn't think I could actually say them out loud.

"uh...he's cute I guess but you know I like girls"

She started laughing and playfully pushed me "no I mean for me silly. I think he is kinda cute. I'm thinking of asking him out just as friends to get to know him and stuff."

I knew right there that I had missed my chance in telling her my true feelings for her so like I always did before I put on a strong face to cover up my pain that I had inside at the moment.

"You should totally do it. What you got to lose."

"Your right...should I call him now." she said to me

It hurt like hell but I went along with it and I encouraged her to make the phone call. I listened for a while but the pain was to much and I had to walk away. I regret now not sharing my feelings to her but I didn't. I found out the next day that they went out on a date and so to make the pain go away I called up some old friends and went out the club I always went to before I met Spencer and drank and slept with the first girl I saw dancing. But I felt different that night. First I felt like I was cheating on spencer so I drank some more but I also felt weak and sick but I ignored the feeling and tried to have a good time. But now I also regret ignoring that sick feeling.

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**Hey guys sorry that I have not been writing. I have been so busy and still am busy. I had a little time today to write. I hope you guys like it and I am loooking forward to your reviews. **


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